I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My balls are so social today.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
