I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
