Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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