I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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