a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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