well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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