so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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