I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
