we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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