I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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