Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
