Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
