no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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