he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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