Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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