dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
