there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
