Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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