UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing