i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
