thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
