I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she peed on how many people?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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