This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
