Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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