you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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