My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize