that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
