I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
