At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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