you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
