I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
