well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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