Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
