so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
