If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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