me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We got so high we made milksteak
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
