I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
