why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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