This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
