Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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