You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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