After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
