used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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