she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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