Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
