You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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