I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
