someone get that fucking seahorse.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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