Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
