Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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