I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dont even know how to be here
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
