i need an iv and a liver transplant
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why is your signature on my underwear?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
