just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
