absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
