Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
