Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
