I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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