I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
