You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
