I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
