My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
