he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
