Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
FUCK WHALES
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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