you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
