just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
