i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
