she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
